…Say what?

As it stands, motherhood is a sort of wilderness through which each woman hacks her way, part martyr, part pioneer; a turn of events from which some women derive feelings of heroism, while others experience a sense of exile from the world they knew.

Rachel Cusk

 

The Beginning…

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Hey Momma,

Welcome to The Nite Feed!

It is my greatest hope that this space will be for you a soft place to land in a time of life that can be intensely lonely and isolating. The idea for this site was born out of my own experiences as a mother. Up at all hours of the night with my second son, I struggled profoundly for the first six months of his life. He was a terrible sleeper and by the time he was 5.5 months, I hadn’t gotten more than two consecutive hours of sleep. Life was unravelling…quickly.

My relationships were strained. My temper and emotional stability was significantly compromised. I no longer recognised the person that I was becoming and life seemed to be spinning out of control. My anxiety was at an all time high and after an episode of scary crying at the doctor’s office one afternoon, she recommended that I speak to someone. I sought help for a few months, and it did make a difference to talk openly with someone about what I was experiencing. But I was tired. That was the main thing wrong with me. I was tired and I felt so so so alone. If that is you right now, momma, hang in there. Keep going. It is hard hard hard but you are STRONG.

The idea for The Nite Feed emerged early one morning.

I was up feeding and scanning old text messages on my phone…looking for the ones that I read that day but then had forgotten to reply to, as you so often do as a mum with young children. I clicked on a recent message from a close friend and when the screen opened up, I saw her little ellipsis pop up as if she were typing something!! I immediately texted her; the conversation went something like this:

Me: ARE YOU AWAKE?????

Her: Ugh, yes. Nightmare of a night. No idea what is going on!! I just want to SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

Me: I know, this is my third time up tonight. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Her: Me too, my lovely. Its so hard. Hang in there.

Me: You too, lady. Sending love.

After that night, we would occasionally catch each other when our nighttime routines overlapped. It was such a comfort; knowing that she was experiencing the same thing as I was. Knowing that another human being was facing night after night of sleep deprivation. Knowing that her world was just as upside down as mine. I guess you could say its a bit of “misery loves company” but it was so reassuring to know that I was not ALONE.

And that is what The Nite Feed aspires to be. A reminder that we are not alone.

When we are up in the middle of the nite or early early morning or even dragging ourselves to the finish line of morning nap…we are not alone.

When our partners slip easily into undisturbed sleep and we lay down only to be consumed by irrational fears and imaginations…we are not alone.

When we feel the harshness of judgement from those around us and their “advice” seems to be confirming our failures as a parent…we are not alone.

When we are trolling the internet and finding only news that fuels our hormonal sensitivities and fears…we are not alone.

When we just need a friendly face or a funny story at 4am to make us smile…we are not alone.

The Nite Feed is a safe place for us. It is a positive community that is determined to encourage one another. No matter your positions. No matter your opinions. No matter our differences. We are women that are committed to our children and to each other. Committed to remembering who we are and the strength we can muster when we join together.

We are AWAKE but we are not ALONE.

I am so looking forward to building this community with you, momma, and I look forward to your feedback and vision as we move forward together.

Lots of love,

gretchen

 
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